This past mouth has been an interesting mental experience for me and I have grown so much because of it. Not only from the countless documentaries that I've devoured on Netflix, making me feel like I was back at University, but the improved ability to be mindful about the present moment. To truly experience life, one small wonderful thing at a time.
Being that I wanted to isolate myself for healing, this meant that I had to learn to be content with what was going on around me and being one with my current experiences. No phone, computer, television, or outings for the most part. Truly unplugged, like my mind was on vacation. A friend asked me, "How are you not going mad? I would go mad without this 'connection'." The truth was that I was fine. I could spend hours in my mind thinking and contemplating life, watching the birds and butterflies fly through the garden from my window, or experience the amazing taste of my first summer strawberry. These simple things were beautiful and they happen all the time. One just has to slow down and take them in.
I caught myself multitasking the other day and was taken aback. I was watching a documentary while drinking green tea. Before I realized what I was doing, the tea was practically gone. Sure I could make more tea or rewind the show, but that was besides the point. I made a choice to not fully appreciate either experience and that stuck with me. The same can be true about thoughts. If I found myself thinking about other things while doing something else, I would stop what I was doing to give myself time to dwell on what was on my mind. I found that this would only take a moment to sort out and then I could return to what I was doing with full consciousness and clarity. They didn't have to compete.
So I'm happy that I had the time to grow in this way. It was unexpected and forced if you will. I wouldn't have allowed myself the time to do something like this on my own watch. Busy, busy, busy. There would be no time for exploration of the mind. That would be a waste of the day and nothing on my precious calender would get done. Well, with my body unable to function the way I needed it to, this gave me all the time in the world to just... think... and be.
For that I am extremely grateful,
Love Claudia xx